I HEART YAOI!
by xXxAnGeLFLoNnExXx
Summary: A look into the lives of the KnB male cast if they married a fujoshi. Humor/Crack-ish. #3, Kise Ryouta: He shouldn't have asked his wife on what she wanted for her birthday.
1. Kuroko Tetsuya

**As promised, this is my new humor/crack-ish fic! It's not yet crack-ish (but later chapters will be), but hey, I find this a bit funny.**

**Unlike **KnB Crackers**, I haven't written out everything yet so I would have an irregular update for this.**

**For those who haven't read the preview in the last chapter of **KnB Crackers**, the basic concept of this fic is the married life of the KnB male cast with a fujoshi named 'Fujoshi'. Take note that all drabbles take place in alternate universes so don't be confused that Fujoshi is married to _all_ the guys. There will be loads of hints of yaoi (this is a humor fic, not romance), sexual innuendos, and fangirl insanity.**

**Oh, and headaches. Lots and lots of headaches for the poor male characters that will be married off to my yaoi fangirl OC.**

**R & R.**

**Enjoy~!**

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Kuroko honestly loves his wife. He really does.

Why wouldn't he? She was kind, a bit shy, and gentle. Unless the term yaoi gets in the way, she's practically harmless. Unfortunately, it's a part of her everyday life. Because of yaoi, she turns into a hyperactive, vulgar, blunt woman. He likes to think that it was the devilish side behind that normal angelic nature of hers.

Even with her fixation for homosexual relationships, he still loves her. And Fujoshi loves him, too, though she has a nasty habit of pairing him up with his friends. I mean, come on, what woman would want her husband to have sex with someone else—not to mention they were _male_ and they were his_ friends_—behind her back?

Apparently, his wife does want him to do exactly that. _Badly_.

She even named their son Hinata, Sunflower, simply because she wanted him to be a beautiful sunflower defiled and _deflowered _by a guy.

(It was a horrible innuendo-filled pun. He mentally noted to make Fujoshi hang out less with Izuki-sempai. Her humor was worsening.)

Anyways, because he loves his wife very much, he makes sure that he's noticeable somehow—he had to wear silly hats and outfits because Fujoshi still has a hard time finding him—and it was a good thing that their three year-old son didn't have a naturally low presence like him. There was a possibility, though, because their son disappears from his wife's vision from time to time.

Kuroko didn't want his son to be neglected like him (his own parents rarely noticed him) and so, he didn't teach him how to use misdirection and exploit it. It wasn't until a certain incident that he was forced to do so.

His son, Hinata, had kissed the cheek of his male playmate earlier today. The problem wasn't with his son's actions. It was his wife.

"Kya~, yaoi!" Fujoshi squealed as she watched—no, not stalked—her son kiss his playmate on the check. "Yes, that's right, Hina-chan! Kiss him and show him your love!" Kuroko had already droned out the rest of her tirade.

…she just had to scream out her dirty fantasies in front of the pure, innocent children.

"Daddy?" Hinata approached his teal-haired father. He inherited his black hair from his mother and his icy blue eyes from his father. Franky speaking, he was a black-haired mini version of Kuroko.

The teal-haired man lowered his newspaper to look at the boy. "What is it, Hinata?"

"What's yaoi?" He tilts his head to the side cutely. If he were not the pokerfaced person that he was—or if he wasn't stunned because of his son's question—he would've squealed at the sight.

The deadpanned man froze in his seat. "Where did you hear that, Hinata-kun?"

"Mommy said that she wants me to continue her yaoi legatea…? Legashee?"

"Legacy."

"Un, that!" The little boy beamed. "And it would really make her happy if I do this with Yuki-kun!" He made a circle with his index finger and thumb then inserting his other index finger inside the circle repeatedly, unaware of his father's paling complexion. "Mommy also said that's how babies were made and I was the perfect wifey for Yuki-kun."

"…"

The black-haired boy blinked at his father. "And what's a wifey, too?"

He had to get his son away from his wife to preserve his son's innocence and his own sanity.

"Hinata-kun, you are not to do that with Yuki-kun." He had to warn Kagami that Yuki, his own son, was in danger— in danger of Fujoshi's fantasies. "And those are all adult stuff. I'll tell you when you're older."

"Aww…"

"Anyways, you like Basketball, right?"

"Yeah!"

"I'll teach you a nice magic trick— it's called misdirection. You should use it on Mommy sometimes."


	2. Kagami Taiga

**Hello, everyone. I have a challenge/request to make!**

**Anyways, I had this prompt in my head that I want to be filled but there was no one on tumblr or LJ that thought up of/wrote this. It's a crossover between **Durarara! **and **Kuroko no Basuke**. The prompt is:**

- Shizuo has the natural ability (or it could be from a head accident) to see the red strings of fate. He may hate Izaya because he can't accept that the flea is his soulmate. Then one day, he sees another red string tied to Izaya's other hand which is connected to a certain phantom player.

- Izaya is Akashi (feel free to make up some history for him)

- It is AkaKuro vs Shizaya (the final pairing is up to whoever wants to write this story)

**So why am I not writing this awesome plot bunny?**

**Because I'm busy and I have other multi-chapters to finish. It's so sad that I can't write this. PM me if you want to fill it (Really, I beg of you, someone make this story for me. Please).**

**R & R.**

**Enjoy~!**

* * *

Kagami was never interested in Japanese culture, not after he moved to America at least, but he always wanted to have a traditional Japanese wedding with a girl who is a total Yamato Nadeshiko. Call him cheesy, but he always thought that if he was going to get married, he might as well be wed to a stable woman who is polite and has a soothing aura.

(Which his wife-to-be was totally not whenever 'yaoi' comes to the picture, though he has no idea what the hell 'yaoi' was. Honestly, he can't remember why he wanted to marry her.)

Because he wanted to have a traditional wedding with Hikikomori Fujoshi, his soon-to-be bride, he decided to learn more about his native culture. And who would be a better person to ask than his own lover?

However, he should've seen this coming, taking in the fact that she was an obsessed fangirl.

"We'll talk about yaoi!" She cheerfully exclaimed. "Let's start with a little terminology. What is the opposite of 'seme'?"

"Seme?" The red-haired man blinked at her, finding the word familiar but having no idea on what it was. "Mese?" Fujoshi facepalmed. "Sorry, I have no idea."

"No, Bakagami-chan!" He scowled at the reluctantly endearing nickname she called him by. "Seme is the opposite of 'uke'!" She jabs an index finger to his face. "Seme is short for 'semeru', which means 'to pitch'. Uke is short for 'ukeru' which means 'to catch'. They're old baseball terms."

"And what does it have to do with this… yaoi?"

"Because seme is the pitcher and uke is the catcher!" She said as if it explained everything. It probably did, he just didn't understand it.

"Yaoi is a type of Japanese baseball?"

"No, no, no. It has something to do with relationships." She waved her hands frantically. "Seme means that you are the giver— the dominant guy in a relationship. Uke is the receiver— the submissive one or the woman in a relationship."

"Ah, so I'm the seme and you're the uke?"

"Nah, that doesn't apply to us."

Fujoshi had a devious smirk on her face. Kagami felt that he was going to regret whatever he was going to hear next.

"Yaoi is a Japanese term for BL. BL stands for Boys' Love; ya know, homosexual relationships, gay butt smecks, and the like." She waved her hand nonchalantly. "Japanese fans like me openly support it."

The redhead was paling further by the second.

"We have something we call Shounen-ai, which is fluffy, sweet love between two guys. Yaoi has awesome delicious man-sex." She squealed. "And also some hot man-rape action!"

"What?!" _'This is what Japanese people do for a hobby?' _Kagami imagined his former teammates and the Generation of Miracles watching this so-called 'yaoi'. He mentally shuddered at the images.

"Here, let me introduce you to our yaoi fandom!" Fujoshi brought her laptop, typing a few words in the internet search bar.

"Boku no Pico? What's that?" _'It sounds suspicious.' _"And why are you tying me to the chair?" His lover successfully bound him to his chair as he was preoccupied with the familiar yet unfamiliar words on the computer.

"Now, now. Sit back and relax. Close your eyes and I'll punish you~!"

"W-Why?" Now he was stuttering. Why does he have a bad feeling about this?

"You just wait." She went away for a bit and came back in with a cute golden-furred puppy— that scared the crap out of Kagami. She also clicked a video that showed him a grown guy and a blonde girl.

_'Wait a minute…'_

"IT'S A GUY?!" He shrieked as disturbing sounds came from the speakers. His eyes were burning badly as he was slowly tortured by Fujoshi. He looked away from the screen and tried to struggle, but it was all in vain. "SOME PEOPLE ARE SICK! WHY DO YOU EVEN LIKE GAY PORN?!"

"YAOI IS NOT PORN. IT IS LOVE!"

"That's not the point! And I don't get what's so good about this!"

Fujoshi grabbed the sides of his head and pointed at the screen. "See? The older guy's the seme because he's the one who puts his ochinchin there," She puts her finger directly at the spot. "And the blondie's uke because he gets the manly goods inside his—"

"Don't continue!"

"Aw, you wanted me to show you what's good about this!"

"I had it with this!"

She cackles like an evil witch. Maybe she was. "Watch it or I'll have this cute little puppy all over you." The woman brought the puppy to his face.

And so, for three straight hours, the red-haired male was subjected to watch numerous pilot episodes of different yaoi anime and fan-made videos of him and other Basketball players doing the deed. He discovered that people (including Riko and Momoi) paired him and other guys together. Hell, most of them said that he and Kuroko have a dirty, perverse affair that his wife-to-be supports.

Kagami couldn't look at his friend in the eye for the next few days.

_'Maybe I should reconsider getting married to Fujoshi.'_


	3. Kise Ryouta

**I'm so sorry for the super late update, but my vacation mode had been extended. Anyways, I hope you enjoy Kise's story.**

**LOL, I don't even support the pairing below (not gonna spoil).**

**R & R.**

**Enjoy~!**

* * *

It was Fujoshi's birthday.

Her gift should be something extravagant yet not too spectacular at the same time. Not expensive, but something priceless. Only the best for his wife, after all. There was just one problem.

Kise had no idea what to get her.

And so, he had no choice but to ask his dear wife on what she wanted on her birthday. Besides, the last time he tried to give her a surprise birthday gift, she already figured out what it was and how he was going to give it.

(It may have something to do with shouting his plans excitedly on the phone when he thought his wife wasn't around but she actually was, though that wasn't really the point here.)

Asking her was also a bad idea.

Why?

Well…

"Kise, what are you doing here?" Aomine asked the blond model who was moping inside a public court. The ganguro just finished playing Streetball with some random guys.

"O-Oh, Aominecchi!" The blond waved, trying to hide his nervousness. He was holding a camera in one hand. "It's been a while."

"Yeah," The tanned male scratched the back of his head, sensing something fishy about the blond. It was rare for the pilot to be nervous, though it's not very obvious. If it had been ten years ago, he wouldn't have noticed at all. The ganguro blinked when he saw the camera in the model's hand. "What's the camera for?"

Kise's stance went slightly rigid. "Um, er…" He averted his eyes before he stared back at Aomine. "I'm really sorry for this, Aominecchi! Please forgive me, ssu!"

"Huh? What the hell are you— mph!" Then there was a flash.

Fujoshi smiled brightly at Momoi. "And that's how it happened~!" She was fawning over a photo that she showed the pinkette. The pink-haired woman was also squealing. "You're so sly, Fu-chan!"

"I know right?" Kuroko, who was accompanying his wife and her friend, looked at the photo before paling a bit. He felt sorry for Kise, and subsequently Aomine who had been roped into the model's dilemma. He shook his head. _'Fujoshi-san never changed. Kise-kun must've gotten a punch from Aomine-kun because of this.'_

There on the table was a picture of Kise kissing Aomine on the lips.

Kise really shouldn't have asked his wife on what she wanted for her birthday.


End file.
